he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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