the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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