are you so shy because you have an std?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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