No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
