you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
