Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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