And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
