I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
