So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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