I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
