i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
