You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
