So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
