I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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