? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
