Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
