That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
