the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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