There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she peed on how many people?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
