I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
