How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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