very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
