So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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