shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
