Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
