This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
