Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
