It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
