i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
