Umm I'm too high to move.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
