I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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