I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
