i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
how does that bad decision feel?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
