So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
