I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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