today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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