Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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