did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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