I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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