I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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