I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
