I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
