its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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