i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
