cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
