I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
