Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
