We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
