They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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