I'm so fucking centered right now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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