she was so not down for the gang bang
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
