well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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