i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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