You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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